"Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish."

"I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place."

"I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches all over the world."

"I bought some batteries, but they weren't included."

"Today I met with a subliminal advertising executive for just a second."

"My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted."

"A youth is to be regarded with respect. How do you know that his future will not be equal to our present?"

"Competition is a painful thing, but it produces great results."

"I should not talk so much about myself if there were anybody else whom I knew as well."

"Even God cannot change the past."

"The idea is to die young as late as possible."

"Say what men may, it is doctrine that moves the world. He who takes no position will not sway the human intellect."