"You don't like your job, you don't strike. You go in every day and do it really half-assed. That's the American way."

"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"If something is too hard to do, then it's not worth doing. You just stick that guitar in the closet next to your shortwave radio, your karate outfit and your unicycle and we'll go inside and watch TV."

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

"I'm not a bad guy! I work hard, and I love my kids. So why should I spend half my Sunday hearing about how I'm going to Hell?"

"No mortal man, moreover is wise at all moments."

"For I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."

"In all things that involve social pressures, if we want to see change we have to force the envelope outwards."

"We are born believing. A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears apples."

"You must be willing to protect yourself and what you cherish, no matter what the cost."